I was squirming as I read the first half of this essay. I felt like an insect under a microscope, being observed closely. I'm sure many others feel the same because this is a collective reality. A few things stood out for me. One, what you said about us treating experiences like acquisitions. It reminded me of the chapter in Four Thousand Weeks in which Oliver Burkeman talks about how the internet and connectedness has opened up whole new worlds and experiences for us, but also simultaneously made us feel our own limitations strongly because there is absolutely no way on earth that we can have all the exciting experiences that are out there. Two, what you said about the pressure to be on top of everything. Build wealth for parents, a future for children, health for ourselves... When I speak to older relatives, I get the sense that most of them didn't think about so much. They made do and did their best within the possibilities life offered. Whereas we now know how many of our contemporaries have FIREd and what causes our blood sugar to spike and who got promoted and every crime and injustice happening to humans and the planet in every corner of the world. We feel like we should know about all of this and not just that, also take steps towards solving/supporting them. It's a lot to deal with. No wonder we feel exhausted.
I like how your coping methods are all about cutting back, slowing down and making meaningful connections. In our bones, we know this is the only way. I think it's mainly FOMO that makes us hold onto old habits that don't serve us well anymore. I am trying to live the next few weeks differently and this essay came just at the right time. Thank you!
Thank you so much Gowri for reading and engaging so meaningfully. I had heard about Four Thousand Weeks, but I am now definitely going to check it out. I am so glad this came to you at the right time, and honestly have mixed emotions about this piece now: Of course, I am pleased it is resonating and I am not alone in feeling this, but also too many people feel this, which does not bode well for us. It seems to be a cycle we are not able to break.
I hope your next few weeks are as fabulous as you intend them to be, and I hope you find time to write your newsletter again (Don't kill me for this please! I will stop accountability now).
Utsav, accountability is ALWAYS welcome! And do pick up Four Thousand Weeks when you feel an inner calling—I believe it is a book that will resonate only when you're in a certain season in life. :)
I am very pleased to hear that, but I would not want you to feel despondent all the while, so please don't make it the wallpaper! That much reality check none of us need daily :P
Glad to know it gave you solace. In the tussle between systemic challenges and personal issues, anything that gives us solace is what we need.
I read this twice (which I rarely do), simply because of how beautifully it captures the reality of our lives. Exceptionally well-written, Utsav. Thank you for this.
Wow, thank you! That is high praise. And I am sorry that you are also going through this. This is the dual feeling I now have about writing this post - How much it resonates feels great personally, but then I think so many of my fellow millennials are feeling this, which means something is seriously off.
Thank you for reading and engaging meaningfully Disha!
Amazing article thank u for ur work. I'm not the target audience bcs I'm gen z but I definitely think a lot of aspects overlap. For the first point you mentioned which was to slow down and do fewer things, how does one practically implement this ? If I am to build the career/life that i desire there are a lot of time-bound milestones that need to be clustered in a small time frame. I don't think a lot of us can afford to limit our achivements to 3 per year at this age. And what of the obligations we have ? They themselves are so many
Hi Prisha, thank you for your kind words, and most importantly, the effort you took to read it. I am unsure if I should be advising GenZ since I don't have your lived experience, but see if any of these make sense for you
For all your time-bound milestones, ask yourself honestly: How many do you truly want (a thick desire) vs. those you want because others value them (a thin desire)?
Are all the milestones you truly desire time-bound? Would achieving some of them, say, a few years later, be ok? Delaying a milestone does not mean abandoning it. It means creating time and space for the milestones you want to achieve now.
Do you truly have control over the timing of those milestones, e.g. finding a partner for myself was a milestone for me, but it only happened in my mid-30s, which is way beyond the typical milestone in India, but it turned out to be the best thing that happened to me. Had zero control over the timing of it.
I think answering these three questions may be of help.
That said, of course, this does not apply to the obligations one has. What needs to be done needs to be done, e.g. Financial stability / independence, which is why this advice is for Millennials in the first place, since many of us have come to a certain point in life, where a few basics are afforded.
And I thought it’s the low b12 and vitamin D levels (while it’s REALLY important Your tips are well thought out and much needed given all the noise around)
I would also like to point out the book The Burnout Society by Byung chul hun. He is a korean born German philosopher who tackles a similar question. His answer seems to be that we have become a achievement based society and the problems we face are downstream of it - in vastly simplifying it but similar analysis is done.
One of the most relatable blog i read in a while and believe me i read alot. Although i find this relatable from my husband's POV but I really wish if someone can provide a women's(SAHM's) version of this.
Thank you for taking the time to read, and I am glad you could identify with this, even if largely from your husband's POV.
As for the SAHM's version of this, you may probably be the best person to write it, if you are a SAHM. No one can feel and articulate what you go through better than you. Please do consider writing it, it may find its way to others who need to read it.
I needed this. I am going through recovery after my shoulder surgery, and it’s getting frustrating along with a lot of other things. I was managing my customer facing role, along with 5 hours at the physio centre.
Today I decided to take a month-long leave and not do “work” while I recover. I just felt like I would feel better to recover that way. But, was also scared that asking for such a leave at my company could leave a bad impression. Reading this article though, gives me affirmation that it’s okay. It’s alright to take it easy.
Thank you for reminding me and all the squeezed squished souls. Let’s go!
Hi Shreyas, I am so sorry you are going through this physically and mentally demanding time. 5 hours of physio is a lot, and I hope you’re back to being 100% soon.
It is completely ok to prioritise your health. I am so happy for you that you’re taking this break, and I am sure (or I hope) you’ll emerge in a better mindspace after it. Take care and thank you for taking the time to write in 🙏🏻
I’m from Singapore and this resonated with me too. Thank you for writing it.
Your sketches also reminded me that one of my goals is to start drawing again. But then I also think it’s not one of the top three goals for the year so perhaps another year.
Thank you Alfred for taking the time to read it. I am so glad it resonated with you! I love the clarity you are already bringing - by choosing not to draw as its not your top three goals of the year. Way to go!
I was squirming as I read the first half of this essay. I felt like an insect under a microscope, being observed closely. I'm sure many others feel the same because this is a collective reality. A few things stood out for me. One, what you said about us treating experiences like acquisitions. It reminded me of the chapter in Four Thousand Weeks in which Oliver Burkeman talks about how the internet and connectedness has opened up whole new worlds and experiences for us, but also simultaneously made us feel our own limitations strongly because there is absolutely no way on earth that we can have all the exciting experiences that are out there. Two, what you said about the pressure to be on top of everything. Build wealth for parents, a future for children, health for ourselves... When I speak to older relatives, I get the sense that most of them didn't think about so much. They made do and did their best within the possibilities life offered. Whereas we now know how many of our contemporaries have FIREd and what causes our blood sugar to spike and who got promoted and every crime and injustice happening to humans and the planet in every corner of the world. We feel like we should know about all of this and not just that, also take steps towards solving/supporting them. It's a lot to deal with. No wonder we feel exhausted.
I like how your coping methods are all about cutting back, slowing down and making meaningful connections. In our bones, we know this is the only way. I think it's mainly FOMO that makes us hold onto old habits that don't serve us well anymore. I am trying to live the next few weeks differently and this essay came just at the right time. Thank you!
Thank you so much Gowri for reading and engaging so meaningfully. I had heard about Four Thousand Weeks, but I am now definitely going to check it out. I am so glad this came to you at the right time, and honestly have mixed emotions about this piece now: Of course, I am pleased it is resonating and I am not alone in feeling this, but also too many people feel this, which does not bode well for us. It seems to be a cycle we are not able to break.
I hope your next few weeks are as fabulous as you intend them to be, and I hope you find time to write your newsletter again (Don't kill me for this please! I will stop accountability now).
Utsav, accountability is ALWAYS welcome! And do pick up Four Thousand Weeks when you feel an inner calling—I believe it is a book that will resonate only when you're in a certain season in life. :)
I kind of want to print this piece and make it the wallpaper--of my house. Reading it gave me solace. Thank you for writing this, Utsav!
I am very pleased to hear that, but I would not want you to feel despondent all the while, so please don't make it the wallpaper! That much reality check none of us need daily :P
Glad to know it gave you solace. In the tussle between systemic challenges and personal issues, anything that gives us solace is what we need.
Hahaha okay yes maybe not the wallpaper. A poster perhaps 🙃
I read this twice (which I rarely do), simply because of how beautifully it captures the reality of our lives. Exceptionally well-written, Utsav. Thank you for this.
Wow, thank you! That is high praise. And I am sorry that you are also going through this. This is the dual feeling I now have about writing this post - How much it resonates feels great personally, but then I think so many of my fellow millennials are feeling this, which means something is seriously off.
Thank you for reading and engaging meaningfully Disha!
Amazing article thank u for ur work. I'm not the target audience bcs I'm gen z but I definitely think a lot of aspects overlap. For the first point you mentioned which was to slow down and do fewer things, how does one practically implement this ? If I am to build the career/life that i desire there are a lot of time-bound milestones that need to be clustered in a small time frame. I don't think a lot of us can afford to limit our achivements to 3 per year at this age. And what of the obligations we have ? They themselves are so many
Hi Prisha, thank you for your kind words, and most importantly, the effort you took to read it. I am unsure if I should be advising GenZ since I don't have your lived experience, but see if any of these make sense for you
For all your time-bound milestones, ask yourself honestly: How many do you truly want (a thick desire) vs. those you want because others value them (a thin desire)?
Are all the milestones you truly desire time-bound? Would achieving some of them, say, a few years later, be ok? Delaying a milestone does not mean abandoning it. It means creating time and space for the milestones you want to achieve now.
Do you truly have control over the timing of those milestones, e.g. finding a partner for myself was a milestone for me, but it only happened in my mid-30s, which is way beyond the typical milestone in India, but it turned out to be the best thing that happened to me. Had zero control over the timing of it.
I think answering these three questions may be of help.
That said, of course, this does not apply to the obligations one has. What needs to be done needs to be done, e.g. Financial stability / independence, which is why this advice is for Millennials in the first place, since many of us have come to a certain point in life, where a few basics are afforded.
And I thought it’s the low b12 and vitamin D levels (while it’s REALLY important Your tips are well thought out and much needed given all the noise around)
Beautiful. I teared up. Thank you for writing this.
I would also like to point out the book The Burnout Society by Byung chul hun. He is a korean born German philosopher who tackles a similar question. His answer seems to be that we have become a achievement based society and the problems we face are downstream of it - in vastly simplifying it but similar analysis is done.
An excellent read, takes you down the memory lane and compels you to read till the end. A real masterpiece of meaningful expression.
Thank you Arun for taking the time to read, and being so kind with your praise. Glad that it resonated with you.
One of the most relatable blog i read in a while and believe me i read alot. Although i find this relatable from my husband's POV but I really wish if someone can provide a women's(SAHM's) version of this.
Thank you for taking the time to read, and I am glad you could identify with this, even if largely from your husband's POV.
As for the SAHM's version of this, you may probably be the best person to write it, if you are a SAHM. No one can feel and articulate what you go through better than you. Please do consider writing it, it may find its way to others who need to read it.
I needed this. I am going through recovery after my shoulder surgery, and it’s getting frustrating along with a lot of other things. I was managing my customer facing role, along with 5 hours at the physio centre.
Today I decided to take a month-long leave and not do “work” while I recover. I just felt like I would feel better to recover that way. But, was also scared that asking for such a leave at my company could leave a bad impression. Reading this article though, gives me affirmation that it’s okay. It’s alright to take it easy.
Thank you for reminding me and all the squeezed squished souls. Let’s go!
Hi Shreyas, I am so sorry you are going through this physically and mentally demanding time. 5 hours of physio is a lot, and I hope you’re back to being 100% soon.
It is completely ok to prioritise your health. I am so happy for you that you’re taking this break, and I am sure (or I hope) you’ll emerge in a better mindspace after it. Take care and thank you for taking the time to write in 🙏🏻
Felt seen! Really enjoyed reading this, thanks for sharing.
Thank you for taking the time to read. Glad to hear it spoke to you!
Could see my own life written out . Thank you for writing this.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read, and pleased to know it resonated with you 🙏🏻
Such a fantastic read..
Thank you Nikhil, so glad it resonated with you!
I’m from Singapore and this resonated with me too. Thank you for writing it.
Your sketches also reminded me that one of my goals is to start drawing again. But then I also think it’s not one of the top three goals for the year so perhaps another year.
Thank you Alfred for taking the time to read it. I am so glad it resonated with you! I love the clarity you are already bringing - by choosing not to draw as its not your top three goals of the year. Way to go!
Every word is like a brick of the house where the life up side down resides.
Yep reading this at my day job